How It Ends

Since I'm taking the Writing the Personal Essay class which is essentially memoir writing, I've had to read examples of personal essays and excerpts of memoirs. One of the best things I have read so far is something that is not on our list. It's called Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six-Word Memoirs by Writers Famous and Obscure. Inspired by the legend of Hemingway's "For sale: baby shoes, never worn," this book contains hundreds of peoples' lives compressed into six words. They range from Stephen Colbert's "Well, I thought it was funny." to a nine-year-old girl's "Cursed with cancer. Blessed with friends." One of my favorites is "Cheese is the essence of life."

I enjoyed reading these, trying to imagine exactly why these people chose those specific six words to summarize their lives. Some obviously put a lot of thought into it, and others didn't seem to as much. I got ideas for stories and movies from these half sentences. This collection was a brilliant idea. For a while, I made myself write at least one six-word memoir per day, detailing something that had happened or that I thought during the course of the day. For example, the first time I had to answer phones at the Film Office, I summarized the experience as such: "Film Office. Who's this? Please hold." And when it seemed like it was going great, I wrote "This isn't so bad after all!" and then when I fucked up royally: "Shit shit shit shit shit shit."

But then I started to think of how I would summarize my life so far in a six-word memoir. How could I do such a thing? How could I consolidate 21 years into six words? Obviously other people had done it with far more years to consider, but what would I say? Was there an exact moment that defined my life, like the person who wrote, "I fell in love with Charlie"? Or could I sum it up in something silly, like "Happiness is a warm salami sandwich"?

I thought about all the different things I say and do in my life, how I never feel like or seem to be one thing. I'll do something that people expect of me, and then I'll throw them for a loop with something else...but the thing is, it's still me, and they all still realize that. I don't turn into a different person when I change out of my jeans that I have drawn all over and into a satiny cocktail dress. Someone who's only seen me in one of those outfits might not have expected the other, but once they've seen it, they expect anything and everything. And that's when it hit me.

I wouldn't want to sum up my life right now as only accounting for the past 21 years. I want to include past, present and the future. I want something that will last. I want something that will keep.

"One day, I'll really surprise you."

And you're not gonna be ready for it.